You know when you quit Tumblr and you post that “I’m quitting Tumblr because I need to focus and I love my family” post? I know you don’t mean it this way but it just sounds like you’re telling me that I’m unfocused and I don’t love my family if I don’t quit with you.
Because of that, the feeling of, “Hey, good for him/her” that you were hoping for doesn’t materialize.
For all I know, you’re a shitty father/mother/spouse and your renewed focus will make everyone in your house fucking miserable.
It’s like standing up in a McDonalds one day and announcing in a loud voice, “Attention. I’ve decided that what we’re eating is slowly killing us. I’m better than that. I DESERVE better than that. I’m never eating at McDonald’s again.”
No. You finish your fries, you empty your tray into the garbage bin and you quietly leave and never come back.
To quote The Rolling Stones: No sweeping exits. No offstage lines.
Oh, and for all of your good intentions, you’re back to strapping on a Angus Bacon and Cheese burger in about 3 days.
Are you a hot shit iOS developer or do you know one?
And do you or this person want a great job at a great company? You can work from home so you can be located anywhere in the US or maybe even Canada. It would be awesome if you or this person were not allergic to work and it’s mandatory that you or this person are not an ass.
I know of such an opening. Askbox me if you want.
I’m sorry if this is considered spam. I’ll only do it this one time.
But a big mug of *good* coffee can be even better. Just sayin’
But if you can drink it fast enough to make it *good* at the bottom, it wasn’t hot enough or you would have burned your lips at the start. Multiple smaller cups give you consistent taste and temperature. In extreme situations (long car rides, for instance), I’ll go with a big mug but my inner coffee snob is not pleased.
What do you think Tom Brady’s fantasy is? Don’t say “be rich and fuck a supermodel” because that’s his day job. It must suck to live in a world without dreams.
I wonder if there are $1 WalMart giftcards to throw on the stage at strip clubs in Arkansas.
I think when I interview potential employees from now on, I’ll start with “Have you ever paid for bottle service at a club?” If the answer is yes, interview over. Get out. We validate but not for you. That’s an IQ test disguised as a fun night out.
If your daughter moves from your small town to Los Angeles and tells you she has a job in ‘promotions’ so she can ‘network’, you can hope that means she’s standing next to a Corvette at the car show but that little voice that tells you she’s probably fucking greasy guys for money is a wise little voice.
I meet and work with many very smart young people. Very smart. Very sharp. Bright. Creative. But the divide is growing. No one seems to be what I used to think of as “average”. So, it’s nice that so many are amazing but it’s completely depressing how may lack any admirable attributes other than supreme confidence that everything will somehow work out well for them.
We put on cologne or perfume that will appeal to only a fraction of the people we come in contact with everyday. Others put on cologne or perfume that may or may not appeal to us. How about we take control over our own olfactory needs. We should each dab a bit of cologne or perfume on our own nostril so we can smell what we want to all of the time rather than have our environment dictated by others. You’ll thank me for this plan the next time you ride the bus.
I love Christmastime. There’s no doubt about it. But one thing I don’t love are people who are more beautiful and lead more exciting lives than I do. These people are known as Jessica Smith or “Catalogue People,” more specifically holiday catalogue people. Catalogue people are perfect, and…
The best advice I ever got for picking players for a fantasy baseball team came from this genius Indian guy. He didn’t know a ton about baseball but he knew from statistics. And if you boil all of the beauty, skill, drama and humanity out of baseball, the residue is indeed numbers. He told me that generally speaking, everyone comes back to their career statistical average during the course of a season. Hot hitters get cold, cold ones get hot and average ones stay average. You can point to a million and three exceptions but it’s pretty sound from a mathematical point of view. Of course, I only graduated from San Jose State by taking a class called “Low Octane Math for Guys Who Have Been Trying to Get the Fuck Out of Here for Seven Years” so you can probably take that with a grain of salt and a supersized order of fries.
I just looked up my university (San Jose State) on Wiki
They have a list of ‘famous people’ and most I knew (lots of sports folks, Stevie Nicks, Lindsay Buckingham, The Smothers Brothers, Amy Tan and many more) but I was excited for some reason to find out that the inventor of Botts Dots came from SJSU.
Those are those raised dots they put on highways to let you know you’re changing lanes. My heart swelled with pride.
Sheldon Adelson, the billionaire casino owner, is now the poster boy for what’s terribly wrong with our campaign-finance system. Adelson, you may recall, had, before the South Carolina Republican primary, donated $5 million to the pro-Gingrich Super Pac “Winning Our Future” – giving Newt a pile…
I can’t wait until this disgusting “bitches and hos” pimp thing plays itself out and it’s cool again to have a brain in your fucking head. Someday, respect and self-respect will make a comeback. I hope I live long enough to see the day.